my boring life...

its HIM she wants

2006-12-19T20:02:00.000+08:00

its got nothing to do with how he looks, with what he's wearing. a woman will not love a man for his appearances. she doesn't really care actually. its the HIM she wants, not his shirt or his hair.

realisation

2006-12-16T00:07:00.000+08:00

i used to always think that 爱你到海枯石烂and all that was nonsense. i mean, when will 海枯and石栏anyway? but now i understand why people make such promises. its not a promise to be there when the sea has dried up and the rocks are gone. its a promise to try one's best to achieve it. because at the moment the promise has been made, one does indeed feel so strongly to want to achieve it. because at the moment, this heart just wants to be with you forever till everything is gone. like one of my favourite songs go:　If the world should stop revolving spinning slowly down to die, I'd spend the end with you.

ｓｏ，　我会爱你到海枯石烂。

Artist: Bread
Song: If Lyrics

If a picture paints a thousand words,
Then why can't I paint you?
The words will never show the you I've come to know.
If a face could launch a thousand ships,
Then where am I to go?
There's no one home but you,
You're all that's left me too.

And when my love for life is running dry,
You come and pour yourself on me.

If a man could be two places at one time, I'd be with you.
Tomorrow and today, beside you all the way.
If the world should stop revolving spinning slowly down to die,
I'd spend the end with you.
And when the world was through,
Then one by one the stars would all go out,
Then you and I would simply fly away

imsohappytoday

2006-03-08T19:12:00.000+08:00

itsabeautifulday.someonemademereallyhappytoday.

i managed to get back my old su you peng songs!! im so happy, felt like crying as i heard that familiar voice and those songs again... lost them during re-formatting...

this is my one of my favourites.

在乎 - 苏有朋

我们都说不出什么理由
只是不知不觉得就想对彼此温柔
我们把对错看得太重
明明可以拥有却不能开口
深怕要得太多

我知道我要的不只是找个人来爱我
我在乎你的感觉
在乎爱的结果
越是在乎越不懂怎么做

你知道我要的不只是找个人来爱
但我们都曾爱过
我们都曾错过
谁能确定幸福这一次会不会走

我一直很想要牵你的手
面对爱的关口任谁都不够成熟
我们都在等对方说破
只要有人开头就有了借口
也许是种解脱

今天很高兴。也不知为什么。somehow he just makes me really happy. with little gestures. or even nothing much u know. i feel almost selfish, its so... i don't take it emotionally, it just makes me happy, thats it. u know, hormones and stuff. i shall just bask in this, it actually makes me high!! like 2-phenylethylamine in chocolate... dotz, too much chem... im smiling to myself, fortunately im behind the curtain, if not my bro will think i'm mad... ahhh... (((:

2006-02-18T23:08:00.000+08:00

wtf is wrong with her.. get out of my life. go away. who the hell do u think u are, juz freaking screaming n yelling. no wonder no one can stand her.

something meaningful

2006-01-01T14:12:00.000+08:00

Did you know that when you envy someone,it's because you really like that person?

Did you know that those who appear to be very strong in heart, are real weak and most succeptible?

Did you know that those who spend their time protecting others are the ones that really need some one to protect them?

Did you know that the three most difficult things to say are: "I love you", "Sorry" and "help me"

The people who say these are actually in need of them or really feel them, and are the ones you really need to treasure, because they have said them.

Did you know that people who occupy themselves by keeping others company or helping others are the ones that actually need your company and help?

Did you know that those who dress in red are more confident of themselves?

Did you know that those who dress in yellow are those that enjoy their beauty?

Did you know that those who dress in black, are those who want to be unnoticed and need your help and understanding?

Did you know that when you help someone, the help is returned in two folds?

Did you know that those who need more of you,>are those that don't mention it to you?

Did you know that it's easier to say what you feel in writing than saying it to someone in the face? But did you know that it has more value when you say it to their face?

Did you know that what is most difficult for you to say or do is much more valuable than anything that is valuable that you can buy with money?

Did you know that if you ask for something in faith, your wishes are granted?

Did you know that you can make your dreams come true, like falling in love, becoming rich, staying healthy, if you ask for it by faith, and if you really knew, you'd be surprised by what you could do.

But don't believe everything I tell you, until you try it for yourself , if you know someone that is in need of something that I mentioned, and you know that you can help, you'll see that it will be returned in two-fold

If the world were to end in 24 hours, all the phone lines, chat rooms and>e-mails will be saturated from people sending messages to others, saying:>"I regret having made you feel bad", "Pardon me",>"I love you", "I hold you in high esteem", "Take good care of yourself">and sometimes "I have always loved you, only I never told you".

i took this from an aquaintance's blog because i think it is really veri meaningful. guess i just haven't felt like blogging in the longest time. o well.

chocolate

2005-11-16T17:57:00.000+08:00

You are Milk Chocolate

A total dreamer, you spend most of your time with your head in the clouds.You often think of the future, and you are always working toward your ideal life.Also nostelgic, you rarely forget a meaningful moment... even those from long ago.

What'>http://ynr.blogthings.com/whatkindofchocolateareyouquiz/">What Kind of Chocolate Are You?

i realised i haven't blogged in a long time. maybe its cos' someone hasn't either. o well. what's above is kinda true u know. pple who kinda know me can attest to that... hmm.

more than words...

2005-11-01T00:34:00.000+08:00

more than words?
i think i'm misreading the signs.
but how can it be?
it might be too good to be true.
from the looks of it, it probably is.
but then again, this is the most unpredictable season of all time.

i've been listening to the same song over and over again for the past 3 days.

changes.

2005-10-28T22:34:00.000+08:00

things have changed so much. so fast. i need some time to digest everything. not that i'm complaining, i love the changes. i just hope that its true. i don't want to think of anything otherwise. wat if its too good to be true?i do hope not.

i think i'm in love...

2005-10-14T13:52:00.000+08:00

I Think I'm In Love - Jessica Simpson

Every time you're near baby
I get kinda crazy in my head for you
I don't know what to do
And oh baby
I get kinda shaky when they mention you
I just lose my cool
My friends tell me
Something has come over me
And I think I know what it is

[CHORUS]
I think I'm in love
Boy I think that I'm in love with you
I've been doin silly things when it comes to you
Boy I think that I'm in love with you
I've been telling all my friends what I feel for you

Just the other night baby
I saw you hangin
You were with your crew I was with mine too
You took me by surprise
When you turn and look me in my eyes
Boy you really blow my mind

I don't know what's gotten into me
But, I think I kinda know what it is

[CHORUS]
I think I'm in love
Boy I think that I'm in love with you
I've been doin silly things when it comes to you
In love, boy I think that I'm in love with you
I've been tellin all my friends what I feel for you

Boy I think that I'm in love with you
I've been doin silly things when it comes to you
In love, boy I think that I'm in love with you
I've been tellin all my friends what I feel for you

Something strange has come over me
Got me going out of my mind
Never met a guy like you before
You make me feel special inside

[CHORUS]
I think I'm in love
Boy I think that I'm in love with you
I've been doin silly things when it comes to you
Boy I think I'm in love with you
I've been tellin all my friends what I feel for you

Boy I think that I'm in love with you
I've been doin silly things when it comes to you
Boy I think I'm in love with you
I've been tellin all my friends what I feel for you

Boy I think that I'm in love with you
I've been doin silly things when it comes to you
Boy I think I'm in love with you
I've been tellin all my friends what I feel for you

i really think i am. i don't know what's going on but i think i like it. but i can't let my guard down.

This is a great song! nice and great to sway too... weee...

Mr Bartender！！

2005-10-08T13:54:00.000+08:00

MR BARTENDER! by sugar ray...

i love this song man... sexaaay...
and the fact that the guy's hot... well... haha...

i had this dream. haven't dreamt like this in such a long time. dunno wat's going on. 照理说，我根本不应该想到他。应该是另一个人。我却梦到他。

High

2005-09-29T22:52:00.000+08:00

High - lighthouse family

When you're close to tears remember
some day it'll all be over
One day we're gonna get so high

Though it's darker than December
What's ahead is a different colour
One day we're gonna get so high

End of the day remember the ways
We were so close to the edge
Wonder how we've made it through and then,
End of the day remember the way
Step so close to the edge
Remember it was me and you

'cause we are gonna be (forever)
forever you and me
always keep me flying high
on the wings in the sky of love

Don't you think it's time you started,
doing what we've always wanted
One day we're gonna get so high

Cause even the impossible
Is easy when we got each other
One day we're gonna get so high

End of the day remember the ways
We were so close to the edge
Wonder how we've made it through and then,
End of the day remember the way
Step so close to the edge
Remember it was me and you

'cause we are gonna be (forever)
forever you and me
always keep me flying high
on the wings in the sky of love

high, high, high, high,
high, high, high, high

today nard brought his laptop to school and S43 saw ODC on it, some of its members anyway. o my goodness i miss S12 so much. could feel the tears welling up but the worse was when i went with my parents to marina south. they were having steamboat but i didn't have an appetite so i sat at the bus stop. and i remember, that was the bus stop that i left from that day, many moons ago. how can 6 months past so fast? i rem that day i had to go off for cell so i only went for a couple of hours when every1 hadn't arrive yet. den i had to leave juz when a few of them arrived. it was that bus stop that i left from. sitting at that bus stop brought back many memories, especially since we watched odc again today. couldn't hold it back. maybe its juz the stress of the exams, juz makes me yearn more for that carefree period of time... and the great company, the great people... S12, i miss each and everyone of you.

held up so high on such a breakable thread...

2005-09-28T22:36:00.000+08:00

Happy Ending - Avril Lavigne

So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

.

2005-09-18T11:58:00.000+08:00

go away. get out of my life. hate you.

.

2005-09-13T23:27:00.000+08:00

how can someone make you feel so many conflicting emotions all in an instant? damn it im realli pissed off now. i won't even say how much i think i mean to you, its in my face that i have no value at all to you. just go away. you know, i've just been enlightened. now i know whats going on. i've been in a daze this whole time. im not even on a list, cos the people on the list will be considered in making any decision. i dunno where i am. no where i guess... i dunno if this is too harsh. but im pissed. you mean alot to me. or used to. this isn't a bad thing tho, i've been waiting a very long time for this...

chemistry...

2005-09-13T22:24:00.000+08:00

i watched a repeat telecast of chemistry that day... and it made me feel a whole lot man... i think the nicest parts of it are still the parts after the real filming of the drama ended... haha... and rui en and howard were acting as themselves.

rui en said something... "it was just an illusion, a heart-teaser. we can just look into each others' eyes and realise it was all in the mind"
she said that when she had to do a kissing scene with howard after howard's girlfriend, sherry, came back. she bought him a motorcycle for his birthday and only at the end of the day did he tell her that he has a girlfriend and she was coming back... it realli broke her heart... so she didn't want to do the kissing scene, she just wanted the series to end with them both realising that it was all in the mind.

Should I stay - Dreamz Fm

Had a drive
Driven by your love
But when you messed around
I lost the drive I found
Thought you needed
Needed someone true
But you changed your mind
Or had I failed you?

Wish you’d been
Careful with my heart
But you tore it apart
And broke an angel’s heart
The kiss was true
Had to end somehow
But I am livin’ proof of what love is about

It’s hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It’s sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don’t know (I don’t know)
I gotta know
Should I stay or should I go?

You played me on
Played me like a clown
But I feel for you
Even though I’m down
My heart is heavy
Heavy like a rock
But I am so amused
You’re still in my thoughts

It’s hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It’s sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don’t know (I don’t know)
I gotta know
Should I stay or should I go?

Oooohh…should I stay?
Should I go?
It’s hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It’s sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don’t know (I don’t know)
I wanna know
Should I stay or should I…?

This time its done
It’ll never feel the same
But we had some good times
Guess it’s sad just the same
I guess the truth
Doesn’t matter somehow
But you were livin’ proof of what love is about

i guess it has always been all in the mind. i guess i'm only human, to think the way i would like things to be. but its all untrue anyway. its all in the mind, no matter how many coincidences there are, no matter what everything seems to be... i guess life just isn't fair. don't know how much more of this i can take. it is just an illusion. why are mirages so real and reality so... confusing and just absolutely frustrating? and it isn't only in the desert.
wish i could just go. but i don't have that choice whether or not to stay. not like i'll be able to make a sensible and logical decision. i realised i've lost control... guess i'll just have to wait...

mirages don't only occur in deserts...

hmm...

2005-09-11T00:12:00.000+08:00

too many dots eh? haha... o well... nuthin much to say, thats why.
我想我好像是疯了。简直无法控制自己的情绪。疯了。我今天还会吃醋！坐在那儿真的会气。疯了。
我会加油的！等着把。可是可能到那时我对你不会有感觉了。希望如此。
i don't know what to say. i've lost control...

...

2005-09-08T23:52:00.000+08:00

我心里真的好乱。这几天真的比较好了，没去想他。可是不知道为什么有回来了。好像我的心情和他的每一句话，每个举动都有关联似的。

有个人对我真的很好，让我很感动。可是，我不是想从他的口中听到这几句。想的人就偏不会。为什么就非得这样？
没想到他会对我这么好。

o well...

i wish i didn't wish so hard...

2005-09-04T00:40:00.000+08:00

我发觉我不能习惯一个人生活。这样真的太难了，觉得好像被折磨似的。他就是那个让我不能抗拒的力量。当我坐在沙发上时，突然在想，如果我没遇过他，生活会是怎么样的呢？他一整天都没离开过我的脑海，当我闭上眼睛时还能感觉到他在我的身边。为什么就是要遇见他？为什么就不能是另外一个人呢？只有他是那么的让我不能抗拒，只有他会这样的摸透我的心灵。我说的话没出我的口他就已知道了，当我们在一起时，我们无话不能说。可是我却偏偏这样，我就偏偏在这种处境，什么都不能做，动也不能动。却有那么无法抵挡的力量在我身旁。

Collide - Howie Day

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know
I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Don't stop here
I lost my place
I'm close behind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide

i don't understand. it isn't fair. and i'm being tortured here, i can't move but there's this irresistable force damnit. wtf am i supposed to do man. i'm pissed, irritated and just feeling so frustrated.

its 1.30 am...

2005-09-02T01:28:00.000+08:00

its 1.30 am and i juz finished most of my work. haf no idea how to do chem assignment 6 cos' my chem equilibrium notes r virtually empty. onli thing i rem abt that lecture is the le chatelier's principle that berwyn went on abt, how pple pronounce it wrongly. and the lecturer's purple thingy flying all over the LT. o well... at least it was fun! haha...

did essay outline for the essay, will go to sch and type it out in the com lab or something... ended up without much of a choice of topic.

"i am depraved on account i am deprived" How far does this explain criminal behaviour in our society today?"
i have no idea what the above statement meant... ok, i have a rough idea but definitely not enough of an idea to bring me anywhere in an essay. i know it means that one's deprivation causes one's depravation. but i have no feel for this topic at all man... this is totally subjective and if u ask me, its juz a way of blaming the society for one's shortcomings and criminal actions so that the real issue doesn't have to be addressed, the evil and lack of morality of mankind!!! haha... abit too harsh eh...

so i ended up choosing:
"Killing in any form is never justified." Comment.
thats good, it says comment so i can say anything i like and just have no conclusion in the end. or just crap the normal "conclusion" that everyone gives for this kinda essays: 'we thus conclude [subject] is neither harmful nor helpful, it is up to the people involved who choose how to use it blah blah....." yep, i shall end like this too... haha...

ok, enuff of crapping... i like gp lar, what to do... haha. i shall go to sleep now, still wanna wake up early to bathe and catch the 6.05 bus so that i can get to sch early and watch the match!!

...

2005-09-01T17:03:00.000+08:00

feel so lethargic. woke up with my thing at 12 noon, so awful. my eyes feel realli warm, like i juz took wine or i have a fever or something... argh... but i have to do my essay, if i go to sleep now i won't get it done for sure. my feelings aren't so dependant on him now. thats very good. on the other hand, i've eaten so much crap, yesterday and today. my goodness i'm going to be so heavy 2mr. but i'm momentarily out of taf and i plan to stay out, so i shall go back to dieting for the rest of the week... shall gym 2mr...

hmm... read something on shi min's blog that i would realli like to comment on. it is quite true u know. there is a very fine line between right and wrong, black and white. i'm not saying there's a gray area, some things are clearly wrong and others clearly right. but who is it to decide where the line should be drawn? and the line just gets finer when things like circumstances, implications and consequences get skewed and there are different people involved.

yes, murder is clearly wrong. but the definition of murder is just the killing of a person, the taking of a person's life, period. so what about euthanasia? is it not the taking of a person's life? but the circumstances are different. it is now with the person's permission. and the implications are reversed. now who is to decide if this is right or wrong? and suicide?

now, what about drugs? yes, drugs are bad. but why? because of the harmful effects of it on a person's body. what if those effects were milder or didn't exist? would it still be wrong? and what about eating disorders? yes, they're bad cos' of its negative effects on person's health. but what if these effects were reversed? what if there were positive effects?

my conclusion is, this is totally subjective. no one person has the right to draw that line because it changes as the people involved change, as its implications change. and especially if that person is a bystander in the situation, all the more that person should not interfere.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ok, i'm shocked at how serious i sounded. enuff of that...

i have a whole load of work to do, and i mean a whole load.

in order of priority:

chem assignments, 3, 4, 5, 6. by 2mr!!!
GP essay!!! by 2mr too!!
study for kinetics test!!!! 2mr!!!
math tutorials: 16A, 16B, 17, 19A, 19B, 20

ok, from the looks of this, i don't have to sleep tonight. argh.

can't wait for the hols man, its jun's and deqi's birthday next week!!! can't wait to meet the S12 pple, especially deqi and anna!!!!!!! wheeeeeeeeee...

audio conversations are fun but SOMEONE spoils the fun... argh. i'll never believe u again, sing? humph!!! go away....

feeling so awful. supposed to get work done but forget it. im going to sleep. tonight burn midnight oil.

quiz-zy...

2005-08-29T00:07:00.000+08:00

Your EQ is

127 50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick!51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese.71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely.91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that.111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt.131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin.150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

What's" Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

o well...

if tomorrow never comes...

2005-08-26T22:34:00.000+08:00

if tomorrow never comes, will i regret everything? or regret the nothing that will ever happen? will i regret never knowing?

Collide - Howie Day

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Don't stop here
I lost my place
I'm close behind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide

colliding. what happens when an irresistable force meets an immovable object? in this case, its an object in immovable circumstances. but either way, wat's going to happen?
so far, the object is just vibrating about its immovable circumstances, while the irresistable force doesn't seem to be getting any weaker. its akin to torture.

hmm...

2005-08-24T21:25:00.000+08:00

don't accept rides from strange men. but remember, all men are strange.

- robin morgan

interesting nick of one of my frens...

hmm...

我会习惯一个人生活。。。

2005-08-21T23:25:00.000+08:00

"You know that place between asleep and awake where you still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always think of you." ~Tinkerbell, from "Hook"

a beautiful quote i took from shi min's blog...
it says everything in those 2 sentences.

一个人生活 - 林凡

叶子在窗外轻轻摇动
人行道没有行人走过
镜子里的我很不像我
自从你离开了我变得很软弱

你的影子在每一个角落
好像是在提醒着我
少了你的陪伴我现在有多寂寞

*
我想我可以习惯一个人生活
我想我可以假装不曾爱过
冰凉的夜里让眼泪温热我

我想我可以习惯一个人生活
在记忆里面察去你的承诺
爱你怎么会是这个结果

*
我想我可以习惯一个人生活
我想我可以假装不曾爱过
感觉如果要走谁能说no

我想我可以习惯一个人生活
在记忆里面察去你的承诺
爱情是个梦而我睡过了头

...

2005-08-19T20:52:00.000+08:00

我好难受。虽然见到你，可是却像有着千里的距离。可是，我就是不敢踏出一步。对不起，我对自己就是没信心。每次当我试试踏出时，都被你打回原型。刚喝了杯酒，真希望自己能喝醉，最好是把你忘了。等着把，等我到了那完美的我。到时，我才有勇气踏出来。
我每天的心情好像全都和你有关，不惯是你对我的态度还是你对我说的话。我的梦有多么的真实，事实又有多么的像一场梦，也未免太长了吧。哎，你也该起来了吧，所谓夜长梦多，就别再睡了。我有多么的想起来，可是心却硬硬不想。我已被我的这颗心控制，我已不能理智的做出决定了。我也太放纵自己了，早就该停止，我却让自己越陷越深。
爱我别走，这首歌。。。你能够给我多一点温柔吗？
我真的需要马上喝醉，我真的受不了。
可能我应该踏出来吧，把什么都豁出去，至少我不会这么难受。我是不是醉了，这种话也说得出口。 [ i don't stand a ghost of a chance with you] 这简直把我心里想的都在一句说完了。
心好疼。
心寒。。。

从前从前

有个人爱你很久

但偏偏雨渐渐

把距离吹得好远

sharing the same side of the moon...

2005-08-16T20:20:00.000+08:00

i absolutely love this song, to the max...

Same side of the moon - Corrinne May

I'm looking out the window
Where we sat to watch the stars
There's a chill within the air
It makes my heart long for your touch
You may be miles away
But as I kneel to pray

I see the same side of the moon
That we'll be looking on when the world turns blue
And know that time and space can't come between me and you
We share the same side of the moon
And though you'll never see all the tears shine through
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon

I picture you across the ocean
In your corner of the world
I pray the wind will blow my voice
And gently whisper in your ear
Your night may be my day
And though the seasons change

It's still the same side of the moon
That we'll be looking on when the world turns blue
And know that time and space can't come between me and you
We share the same side of the moon
And though you'll never see all the tears shine through
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon

i feel so lost... i wish i could be a machine. then i wouldn't make assumptions. then i would have no difficulty taking things at face value. then i would have no problem compartmentalising my feelings or even destroying them completely. but i'm not a machine. i need to take a step back, or many steps. but i can't seem to. every night i look out the window and we share the same side of the moon. but although we the distance between us isn't that great... we are far apart.

facetofacebutathousandmilesapart.

.

2005-08-07T09:40:00.000+08:00

a silent whimper amidst this screaming
a faint hope in this stifling world of pain
a sudden joy despite this lonesome despair
an increasing thirst that cannot be quenched
a glimpse of a shelter through this harsh storm
a mirage through and through

damn

2005-08-07T00:49:00.000+08:00

damn it hurts. it hurts a whole load. i've tried telling myself to take things at face value. but i can't. i tried k. but i can't help making assumptions. i can't freaking help it. and its making me feel awful. how can something change so much in such a short time? i feel so helpless. this sux. and it freaking hurts. i will try my best not to curse knowingly, but im seriously feeling realli awful right now. damn. when i mean curse, i mean the f word.

and there's nuthin i can do abt this, i don't know what to do.

if onli some1 would tell me how to feel, what all this means. i would seriously juz agree and think along that line. but no1's telling me anything, and i'm having all these crazy feelings and assumptions, which are freakin wrong but can't be helped anyway.

i dunno wat means wat, i dunno which of my feelings are correct and which are wrong.

damn.

back from camp.

2005-08-06T00:04:00.000+08:00

it wouldn't haf been so bad if i wasn't pms-ing half the time. couldn't control my own feelings at all lar... but the last nite was good, great morale and bonding... and it was brought over to the day after and all...

its surprising that during my lowest times, it was samuel and tze hoe that made me laugh so much and feel so much better... and jia yaw and yu heng were the ones who made me feel just a little important and not so redundant...

anyway, on a lighter note, TAURUS ROX! it was great, the feeling of seeing the saggi flag come down and the taurus flag going up. it was wonderful and every1 of us could feel it...

samuel, tze hoe, li ping, crystal, lennard, gx, berwyn, des, fafa, zm, sm and me, we went for lunch after the whole thing, sm and i went to bathe first b4 that in sch, so we were clean and didn't stink so much. i majorly need deodorant man... anyway, den we went to eat at BK, sam and tze hoe ate at kfc while jun wei went home to change, staying so near and all. so lucky. den the guys went off to play dota, except for fab, who's a momma's boi and wanted to go home. like real man, he reach home onli go on the net lor...

i went home, cleared some stuff, checked mail and went to sleep by abt 3 plus. and i juz freakin woke up!! at 11 plus... with not much of a dinner left. but o well...

shall go now. blog another time...

o yes pple, go try this quiz, its great...

http://www.crush007.com/love.cgi?id=1123290367cej

fino a che non veniamo a contatto di ancora

...

2005-07-26T23:51:00.000+08:00

irony... its meaning has nv been more real.

and to think... even your fren seems to care more than you do.

i'm lost. i'm confused. and i hate feeling like this...

being face to face, but a thousand miles apart.

you're beautiful

2005-07-22T22:40:00.000+08:00

You're Beautiful - James Blunt

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
Cause I'll never be with you.
Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was, F***ing high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
Cause I'll never be with you.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,I will never be with you.

this is a beautiful song. but its not a very good song to listen to when you're... when you have certain feelings.

i hope you read the lyrics of this song and get over it soon. i don't want to see you get hurt.

...

2005-07-22T22:34:00.000+08:00

so many things have happened lately. i feel so much, and my feelings are so messed up man... dun even know how i feel anymore. this is awful. and i'm still in shock, i think its sinking in with everyday, so i feel this shock getting stronger everyday. and i still need to put up this facade, so that no1 will guess, and i won't give any1 any ideas abt it at all... its the weekend, but we have flag day tomorrow. its not good you know. this whole nonsense...

ahhh...

2005-07-18T21:52:00.000+08:00

too much food... i feel so guilty.

i think i like blogging in chinese!!! its fun! and now with the chinese input internally from windows xp, i dun haf that irritating window from njstar communicator that keeps asking me to register it and pay money... haha! i juz spent abt half an hr plus blogging in chinese, so i think i'll juz summarize wat i have to say here...

supposed to go gyming lar, den berwyn convinced me to gain weight by going with him and his cat high frens to seoul garden for dinner... how awful is that man? the 2 choices in my mind were either to gym or go home and sleep, both of which will not cause me to gain weight, and hopefully lose if i gym... but he had to tempt me!!! seoul garden will make me gain weight! and i ended up eating so much... fortunately i resisted and didn't get ice cream... awful man... but the food was super good...

i'm beginning to think cat high guys r actually quite nice, and i alwayz thot arts guys were sissy and unintelligent... but i realised today they weren't so bad. i guess i still dunno if they're intelligent or not, but jeff and yao qing were nice, altho i dun know them that well... and yao qing actually asked me if i had a french manicure! ahh... cos he said my nails were super clean... haha. nv had that before in my life man, a french manicure... haha.

o well. actually i would blog more but most of today's in my chineese bloggie so if u guys wan to know, go there. i can't be bothered to blog alreadi. its 10, im gonna go bathe and maybe get my jian bao done... haha. having chinese input internally is realli good lar, now i dun realli mind doing my chinese assignments...

until next time, ciaoz...

chalet-ing...

2005-07-17T14:17:00.000+08:00

juz came back from chalet-ing at pasir ris, costa sands... was there with my relatives, my cousins. me and my cousin stayed for 2 nites, friday and sat, while the rest juz popped by... so, i haven't been home in 2 nites and i miss msn... haha. and i haven't done any work either.

yesterday nite was so funny, my cousin, melvin, hadn't watched russell peters yet but jac and i have. so we were showing it to him and goodness, it is still funny after such a long time... "ryyyyan, go cleeean your rooom..." hahaahahahahaha....

yesterday morning had flag day, so i went down from pasir ris to woodlands for a couple of hours b4 going back... zm, sm and i met this super weird guy lar. actually, its juz mostly zm. that guy was stalking her lar... haha. nutcase man... and poor crystal, kanna scolded for nuthing, wat a cow man, that horrible auntie who scolded her. wats the crappy NKF nonsense got to do with crystal anyway??? wa liao eh... den, after collected abt 1/3 or 1/2 of the tin can, we stopped and slacked at LJ at toa payoh. brings back memories of that time, after slacking at fab's place, den went LJ for dinner... still got the pics man... after lunch, went back to woodlands, den guanxian and i took 168, i stopped at tampines while he went off to bedok. gx is such a deep sleeper lar, whack him so hard den he woke up. now i kinda regret it, should've juz let him sleep on... o well... should've been with des too lar, but i betcha he couldn't wake up... den i went back to pasir ris lor...

leslie gor helped me check and he realised i didn't haf the wireless thingy in my hard disk.. i mean... wat the cow??? my dad said kanna cheated man, should haf the wireless... so we'll prob go back and ask the guy lar...

im sleepy... but i'll go jog first. dunno if i should go swimming at tc... i dun dare to go jog yet cos i drank water, dun wan to get stitch. might juz take a short nap... yawnzz...

Fino a che non veniamo a contatto di ancora

sweet...

2005-07-14T20:46:00.000+08:00

got this from a friendster bulletin...
this is awfully sweet, and it is true. guys, u realli shouldn't take things at face value, rarely do girls mean wat they say, its wat they don't say that counts... haha... dun try to fathom us... haha...

So...
Read, Learn, and Put into good use.

1. Tell her she is beautiful, not hot. [Yeah, it shows that you love her, not her body]

2 . Hold her hand at any moment even if it just for a second. [It shows how much you appreciate her presence]

3 . Kiss her on the forehead. [It's a loving gesture,helping her feel secure]

4 . Leave her voice messages to wake up to.[even SMS or missed-call will do... Nothing can beat waking up to the voice/message of your loved one]

5 . Always tell her how beautiful she is, no matterwhat she's wearing. [Again, it shows how much you treasure her]

6 . When she is upset, hold her tight and tell herhow much she means to you. [sigh... need I say more?]

7 . Recognize the small things . . . THEY USUALLY MEAN THE MOST! [it's the tiny bits and pieces that count]

8 . Call her baby.

9 . Sing to her no matter how horrible your voice is.[trust me, girls love it when guys sing to them]

10 . Pick her over all the other girls you hang out with. [Yeah, and show her to them!!]

11 . Write her notes. [to make her feel that she's always on your mind]

12 . Introduce her to family and friends as your girlfriend. [it shows how much you want her to be a part of you]

13 . Play with her hair.

14 . Pick her up, tickle her and play-wrestle with her.

15 . Sit in the park and just talk to her. [you never know what will she say]

16 . Tell her funny jokes, tell her stupid jokes, just tell her jokes. [but make sure that it's the right time for jokes]

17 . Throw pebbles at her window in the middle of the night just because you missed her.

18 . Let her fall asleep in your arms.[sigh...heaven...]

19 . Carve your names into a tree. [for memory's sake, its romantic!]

20 . If she's mad at you, apologize because SHE is always right!! haha...

21 . CUDDLE!!.

22 . Bring her flowers just because u love her. [although some girls will say that they hate flowers, but still, chances of them being touched is very, very high]

23 . Treat her the same around your friends as you do when you're alone. [this means a LOT to her,and it shows a lot about you as well]
[i personally feel this is the most important of all of these, cos' this truly can tell a girl how much she means to u. the rest, tho sweet, are mostly physical. this, is the true test of a guy's feelings for a girl man...]

24 . Look her in the eyes and smile.[Believe me it works..it has its own magic]

25 . Let her take as many pictures of you as she wants. [you trust her, don't you?]

26 . Slow dance with her, even if there isn't any music playing. [but don't step on her feet too often]

27 . Kiss her in the rain.

28 . If you're in love with her . . . tell her. [of course! unless, of course, she's already with someone...]

have i told you lately that i love you?

sianz...

2005-07-13T21:15:00.000+08:00

so tired sia, dun wan to do any work liao... finish bathing den go sleep... yawnzzz...

waaaahahhaha... got it from some1's blog... can't rem who tho...

a lot like love.

2005-07-04T23:41:00.000+08:00

i juz watched a lot like love 2day. and i still have that feeling from when i saw the ad and trailer of this movie. but it has changed, during this month of anticipation for the movie. and i was distracted the whole movie, ironically by what drew me to this show.

it is truly...

a whole lot like love.

blahh...

2005-07-01T23:07:00.000+08:00

You Are the Girl Next Door!

You're caring, warm, and the girl that nice guys want to marry.Uncomplicated and simple, you've got an easy going attitude guys love.But this doesn't mean you're dull - far from it!You're a great conversationalist, and you're an expert at living the good life.

What Kind of Girl Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

haven't done such quizzes in a long time... this one seemed fun... o well...
i'm not exactly feeling great right now... juz now during dinner, i almost broke down cos my bro was being such a ....... u fill it in... but its not completely his fault anyway, 2day's a bad day and dinnertime was the worst... argh, i realli should try and get over this...
anyway, i'm quite worried about my leg, my ankle particularly. juz now when i was running, on my last 1.6 km, my left ankle was hurting quite bad but i had to finish it... den when i got off the car at tiong bahru plaza, that one step hurt quite bad too... and when i got off the car when i got home... tried to put lesser pressure on it the whole trip out but apparently didn't work when i got home lar... o well... haven't run in a long time anyway, maybe thats y...

4km!

2005-07-01T18:45:00.000+08:00

i juz ran 4km! in about 35 mins! not too bad i think, cos that time our sch's track meet, the girls had to make 3.2km in 30 mins, and i did it in abt 28. not too bad lar, i think. have to work that cheesecake that zm and i shared at nydc yesterday... haha. thank goodness ry and ber didn't manage to get the dreaded chocolate sauce on our cake. and surprisingly, that was my dinner. i juz came home and ate abt 3 pieces of the kueh that my auntie brought, its glutinous rice with 'hei bee hiam', some spicy prawn thingy, its realli nice so i ate all 3 pieces that were available... but that was all for my dinner. and i wasn't hungry!!

gx, nard, zm, ber, kx, des, ry and me went out yesterday to orchard to celebrate our last day of exams! jun still had to study for her f math paper 2day, haha... and fafa went off to meet his sec sch mates for dinner... shimin was tired so she went home to sleep, she fell asleep on the table the moment she handed in her physics paper! powerness... haha...
anyway, we went to cine and ate some jap food downstairs, not too bad i think, i ate fried unagi with rice, it was onli abt 6 bucks, and i spent 9 bucks for that, the drink and a chawanmushi, but i was so full by the time i finish the rice and my drink that i didn't realli enjoy the chawanmushi... o well...
den, we waited for ry to come, cos he went home after his physics paper while we had to stay for the crappy pw lecture, which i bet didn't do any good to 3/4 of the pple listening to it... that woman was super irritating man, trying to talk well but sounding like a retard... lamer... anyway, ry was late! haha... den we went off to watch war of the worlds, which i think sucked... it wasn't so bad cos i watched it with my frens so the company made up for it. but i wouldn't haf wanted to watch otherwise... the storyline was lame, the onli thing that i think wasn't so bad was the fighting, the running and maybe the effects and stuff... but the story was so lame, how unlike a stephen spielberg film... sci fi films r supposed to be intelligent and make sense, they're supposed to fit in together and juz amaze pple at its intelligence... but this one was so... unbrainy. the onli part that was slightly brainy was the last part, the immunity part abt the aliens dying in our atmosphere cos of the viruses and bacteria present and those aliens not having our immunity system. other than that, it wasn't good at all... it was juz aliens who buried machines in the ground way b4 humans were around and suddenly decided on a siege and extermination programme... lame man, no point...
den after that, we went to nydc for dinner... at least kx, ber and ry did anyway. nard and gx went home cos it was late and we couldn't decide on wat to do... zm and me shared a goldmine cheesecake and a scoop of chocolate ice cream while des ate one cheesecake on his own...

okee, i gotta go eat dinner... shall blog somemore later...

watever

2005-06-29T20:34:00.000+08:00

ok, i was realli angry then, so maybe some stuff was exaggerated. but most of it is true, and im not going to take it back... i might take back the swearing parts tho, dunno when that started...

...

2005-06-29T19:50:00.000+08:00

am i entitled to feel like that? sometimes i realli feel that life is unfair... my bro has to be like that... and my parents haf to give in to him like that. i mean... i knoe that they don't haf a choice. but i can't help feeling... bitter? dunno if thats the word... but i can't help feeling this way anyway. they've spent so much on his medical bills, and they spend so much more accomodating him... playstation, all his games, the dvd player... and his changing sch... and now, completely abandoning sch... and juz now, my mum juz told him she'd get him a PS 3 if he passes sec 2. PASSES? i've been passing and doing relatively well the past how many years, without any reward. and they don't even seem to appreciate it damnit... this is such a bad time to whine and all, 2mr being the physics exam... but i can't help it... its hard struggling like that... and i hate going out with them nowadays. it seems like the 3 of them r having so much fun or whatever, and im juz tagging along. especially my dad, he has to keep holding my bro, for wat f****** reason man... he's the one instilling in my bro that he can't walk steadily, that he needs to be held like that. and so he gets freaked out at every single thing. even at his heart beating a little faster... wtf...

i'm so tired... struggling like that. it wouldn't have been so bad last yr and all, cos i could see my future, graduating, with hopefully at least a masters, and having a stable job. so i won't be so sad in this tiny apartment, sharing it with all the creepy crawlies that come up here juz cos its the 2nd storey... and i realli do hope i'll find a man who isn't like my dad. he's completely traditional, to the extent of being ridiculous. to him, the male species doesn't haf to do anything in the house at all, if they do, its our benefit and we should be totally grateful. on the other hand, the inferior female species have to get all the housework done, and should be at the liberty for the male species to instruct, with regards to what housework needs to be done, and the quality of it... wtf... no wonder my brother is juz a lazy pig. or worm, in chinese anyway... he sleeps like, i dunno... 15 freaking hrs a day??? he can sleep at 1, wake at 1, den sleep somemore during the day, for the sake of wasting time, he has nothing to do at all... seriously, how can anyone live like that? i couldn't take it juz doing that for a few days during the hols. at least i had some lessons in sch, pw meetings and all... seriously, WON'T HIS BRAIN ROT OR SOMETHING? seriously man... and he has the nerve to come up with the f****** stupid idea of him not being my parent's real child. seriously, wat the hell's wrong with him man? i had that idea when i was realli young, that i might not be my parent's real kid... but that was onli cos they favoured my bro so much. i felt so neglected and all, and unimportant. damn, juz cos i dun say anything doesn't mean i dun feel anything. my parents r those that will be so astonished at the idea of a surprise party, or a surprise of any kind for that matter. if they wan to do something for u, that is if they wan to, they'll tell u b4 they do it. and anyway, they seldom do things for me. for him maybe, but not for me... they expect me to tell them everything, ask them for stuff. let me tell u, u 2 r the last pple i will come to for help of any kind. even when i was running realli tight on finances, i went to my brother because i had no choice. and dun u f****** haf the nerve to compare my brother's possessions and mine, both financially and physically. he's a living mummy for goodness sake. he's alive but his brain's not moving, he doesn't do anything, juz eats, sleep and stones at home... he has, 10 frens maybe? most of whom he speaks to once every 6 months, or at best, every month... he has a few hundred dollars in his little bank cos he tries to eat as little as possible, WHEN he goes to sch, which is abt the rarest event in our family calendar, its so rare we actually celebrate it... o yar, and when he gets back from sch, he eats the family almost out of our house and home... and he doesn't spend money any time else other than during recess time in sch. y? cos he doesn't haf frens, no social life. and he doesn't even buy his own stationary. if he needs a pen, he rummages through everything at home and den tells my mum to buy for him. and watever he needs, my parents will get for him. so, tell me, how much will he spend a month? i mean, in sch, not how much we f****** spend on him... maybe, $40? im not talking abt the latter by the way... damn...

MUG!

2005-06-23T20:51:00.000+08:00

o my goodness, i haf to mug... this is so bad. if i start now and mug throughout the rest of the holidays, which is a few days, i might juz pass my summer tests... ahhhh... argh... how can the holidays pass so fast? its not fair!!! argh...

stuff to do:

- chem! finish assignments! crap... juz got my tys, how to finish???

- math, muz study and practice thoroughly, den finish the rest of the self-test that u haf and do one more paper! ok, this is quite impossible... so bad!!!

- plan the pw activity!!

- finally, study for physics... one day left!!! not good, not good at all...

lijun said we'll be positioned in class!!! ahh... hope i won't be any worse than a 20th out of the class of 25... ahhh...

GALVANIZE!!!! WAAAHAHAHA....

2005-06-22T02:04:00.000+08:00

o my goodness!!! i juz saw something super hilarious!!!

Galvanize, by Chemical Brothers!!!

Its a song!!! it exists!!!! and so does the band!!!! o my goooooodnessssss......

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Galvanize - Chemical Brothers.

don't hold back...
cause you woke up in the mornin, with the mission to to move, so I make it harder...
don't hold back...
if you think about it, so many people do, be cool man, look smarter....
don't hold back...
and you shouldnt even care, bout those losers in the air, and their crooked stares...
don't hold back...
cause there's a party over here, so you might as well be here, where the people care...
don't hold back...
--
the world, is holdin back...
the time has come to...
the world, is holdin back...
the time has come to...
the world, is holdin back...
the time has come to...
galvanize!
c'mon, c'mon c'mon....
--
dont hold back...
if you think about it too much, you may stumble, trip up, fall on your face...
dont hold back...
you think its time you get up, crunch time, like a sit up, come on keep pace...
dont hold back...
put apprehension on the back burner, let it sit, dont even get it lit...
dont hold back...
get involved with the jam, don't be a prick, hot chick, be a dick....
dont hold back...
--
the world, is holdin back...
the time has come to...
the world, is holdin back...
the time has come to...
the world, is holdin back...
the time has come to...
galvanize!
c'mon, c'mon c'mon....
--
world, the time has come to...
push the button...
world, the time has come to...
push the button...
world, the time has come to...
push the button...
world, my finger, is on the button...
my finger, is on the button...
my finger, is on the button...
push the button...
the time has come to...
galvanize!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WAAAAAAAHAAAAAAHAHAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAA....

haf to mug...

2005-06-18T22:34:00.001+08:00

argh... i can't get down to mugging. i know i haf to... but i can't seem to!!! argh... so much work to do, my chem sux now lar... i know i shouldn't compromise my grades cos i dun like swaran, but i can't help it lar... dun understand so much stuff so i dun wan to get down to do my tutorials... wish i had some1 i could bug abt chem, but i dun... argh... okok, 2mr going to des's house to mug, hopefully will get some stuff done...

back...

2005-06-16T21:59:00.000+08:00

i haven't written in here in quite a while cos i was slacking away... haha. until monday, 13th june, when i had to go off for church camp... RADIATE! it was... fun lar, i guess. the games were actually not too bad, but there was one part of the 1st game that realli pissed me off...

we had to go up a slope on a canvas sheet covered with soapy water. and if that wasn't hard enough, we were blindfolded! argh... that part was quite irritating cos the canvas sheet was freaking slippery and we onli had our knees and fingers to stab into the canvas, underwhich was grass. so, to try and move up, we had to create friction. how? getting cuts all over our kness lar!!! argh, it was so painful then. and i got so much dirt into my nails when i dug into the grass at the top of the slope when i could finally feel grass and soil. i got a little stone stuck in my nail and it hurt like crazy until i managed to get it out by using my sch badge... haha. that was lame...

nite games were cool, great bonding time and great exercise too! its exhilarating running in the night, felt so good. i should try that out sometime... we played from 12 am to abt 2.30 am. it took so long cos we made a wrong turn, ran right pass the station and ended up wasting at least 15 mins... o well, considering that, it was cool that we still made 5th or 6th place out of 10. not too bad...

altho it was a cool camp, it didn't turn out as well as it could've. for one, the visit to toa payoh care corner was disappointing. many of the old folks didn't want us to clean their houses and many of them couldn't speak either chinese or english coherently. so we ended up trying to talk a little and then gave up cos we couldn't understand the old folks after a while. and there wasn't even a proper centre there. it was realli a care corner cos it was juz a corner under the void deck, there wasn't even any extra tables or shelves or watever, it was juz the void deck. and there was nothing for the old people to do except sit there and stone the whole day. no wonder they didn't want to come downstairs.

the FUSION camp 2 years ago rocked!!! this camp was fashioned after the fusion camp but the fusion camp was alot better and more fun. but i guess it couldn't be helped because the camp com onli got together 3 months ago in march or april and they were quite short of time... we also went to toa payoh care corner during the fusion camp but it was another part of toa payoh. that place was alot better, they actually created a centre under the block, where the old people could hang around. there was a tv and karaoke, a proper kitchen and toilet, a room with tables and stuff... and even a few tables outside where the old people could play chess. and even if we couldn't realli communicate, we could just sing or clap along when they sang. we also had some time to talk to the old people before visiting their homes so they were more open. and the best thing was that the house i went to clean was already rather clean and neat, except for places the old lady couldn't reach, like windows and stuff, and she didn't realli mop the floor either. but she was a realli tidy old lady, her stuff was all in order.

i felt bad during the outreach programme cos it was huiru's first camp and first time doing this kinda outreach stuff and she was disappointed to find out she wasn't realli needed. i couldn't realli make her feel better and i think she didn't exactly have a great 1st church camp... i felt redundant too because there were too many of us and too little of the old people who needed help. during the fusion camp, we could help do things like washing up after the cooks finished cooking, or singing with the old folks, or cleaning up their homes. we barely had stuff to do this time round... o well, it's over and i guess we did make an impact in the sense that we made them laugh a little, altho we might not have contributed so much physically, like making their houses cleaner and more comfortable to live in.

that wasn't the onli thing that made me irritated. there was a particular member of my group that irritated me because she kept taking over and 'leading' the group when she was neither leader nor assistant leader. i hope she doesn't read this but she made me uncomfortable when she kept taking control. and the group did not necessarily agree with her. she juz took over and argued us over when we disagreed. i guess she's a nice person, but she realli wants too much to take control. yes, she was the oldest and she studies in NUS. we were camping in NUS Temasek Hall by the way... but being oldest and all doesn't mean she can take full control. if she has a good idea or a suggestion to make, she could say it in a neutral way and we could all discuss or something. but she 'reprimands' us for an observation that she makes that reflects badly on us. i mean, u could tell us so we know and can change our attitudes or something but u have no right to reprimand us. and she kept behaving like that, taking over and all. and who freaking nominates herself as director of the skit anyway'???? no wait, she didn't nominate, she juz decided. wat the? we had no say in anything. and she was so strict and all in 'directing' the skit. we couldn't have any fun or anything, and she did wat she deemed right, not what the whole group wanted. and mind u, she's neither leader nor assistant leader of the group k... argh... i have nothing against her personally but she made me feel veri uncomfortable becos i had views but i didn't want to voice them becos i didn't wan her to rebutt me and all...

ahh, now that thats off my chest, it feels alot better.. haha...

and, after camp... WTF... i came back and got a whole f****** load of shit from my parents. i know this is wrong but i have honestly never said the F word so many times in such a short period of time. i didn't say it aloud but i was yelling it inside. what the fudgecake is wrong with them anyway??? what, will the house catch fire if i clear my bag tomorrow? or will i get a heart attack if i forget to keep my bag? what's wrong with them man??? and yes, i didn't want to f****** look her in the face cos' i didn't want to yell at her. i alreadi ate my lunch, and i ate it late so i wasn't hungry. is that a f****** crime??????? argh... !~)(&^*^%$$^%$%!#$%&#@ seriously man, its not my f****** fault that u wan to supposedly 'stress' urself up so much. loosen up man!!! so what if u make a wrong turn on a leisurely drive on the road? make a u-turn or just take a longer drive back!! so what if there is one lone bottle on the table???? what, are we going to trip on it and fall? no! are we going to knock it over and create more work for ourselves? no! the cap's close. so technically, wtf is wrong with leaving one lone bottle on the table? and so what if u can't remember where u put my jeans? juz tell me and i'll go look for them myself! why do u have to start pulling ur hair out and complain u can't remember everything and no one's helping u? cannot then pass it on!! argh... and then we wonder why u have so much white hair and u have high blood pressure. u're giving urself the supposed 'pressure'!

that day, monday when she sent me to the mrt station, she was nagging in my ear and going on and on abt some f****** shit... i'm leaving for 4 days, the least u could do is to give me some peace before i leave. and when i come back after 4 tiring days of abt 5 hrs of sleep everynite, the least u could do is leave all ur nonsense till the next day, or at least to later in the day. but no, u had to go on and on in my ear on the way back in the car. if what he says is not pleasing to the ear, then juz forget it, pretend u didn't hear anything. but u juz had to sit there, take everything in, get angry, then vent it all on me. I'M TIRED FOR GOODNESS SAKE! F****** LEAVE ME ALONE DAMNIT!

my goodness, it took so much to keep my anger inside, it took so much to keep the yelling inside, i wanted to shut her up, somehow... and then, after everything, she asks me to come to the room to watch tv with her and my bro. r u nuts? and she wonders why i say no... and she wonders y i can't wait to freaking get out of the house and go for camps or whatever... stress and pressure? its all in ur mind damnit, u give urself the pressure!!! so what there's loads of stuff in my room? its not spilling over the floor taking up floor space. its not all over the room and making it dusty. its juz stacked up against the wall. so what if i wan to leave it there for years and years to come? what, the house is going to collapse under the load?? argh... and anyway, a more effective way of getting me to sort the stuff out is to tell me to do it then leave me alone, i will eventually do it. standing behind me and order me around will not work, it juz makes me furious and completely pissed off. she even follows me around when i shift the stuff. in chinese, its called 'gen pi chong!' argh... standing behind me and telling me to do it until i get up and do it is the worst way to get me to do stuff becos if i do it, its cos i want u to STFU. respect for u is no where in sight. i think i changed my mind, i think i want to stay in the hostel in uni. or anywhere else. the moment i can get out of the house i will.

ok, now that my angry thoughts have all been thrown out... i have nothing else to say! haha... hey, isn't that what a diary is for? to release... and this is a online diary, so... i have released and i feel alot better!!!

actually, radiate was a good camp cos i made many new frens. and many cool frens!! like freddy, jon wong and lala! and nat, adel... and issac! poor J2, current RJC, ex-chinese high boy who kanna jacked upside down abt coming from chinese high... haha! he's super funny man! but i kinda pity him cos' he's nice but his team teases him upside down despite him being older than them by at least 2 yrs... haha...

o well, i guess thats abt it for now. until i remember more stuff i wan to say...

Fino a che non veniamo a contatto di ancora

pissed

2005-06-10T20:36:00.000+08:00

someone pissed me off horribly 2day. actually he's been irritating for a realli long time alreadi, and 2day it juz reached the limit. i realli dun wan to curse. ok, i have decided i shan't curse for this idiot. he's *argh* annoying and inconsiderate. i mean, get a life man! the world does not revolve around u, u're not anything close to great! so shuttup about yourself and think from some1 else's point of view for a moment can u? in actual fact, u're one of the worst of the male species. so shutttup. and don't insult my friends. and by the way, u aren't one of them. u suck.

one more time and i shall not be held accountable for the words that come out of my mouth. or those that appear in msn conversations, depending on the context.
*thanx ry, for listening to me ramble on...*

Beautiful Quotes

2005-06-08T00:47:00.000+08:00

Beautiful quotes...

to love is nothing. to be loved is something. to love and to be loved in return is everything.
love is unfathomable, untouchable, unexplainable, undescribable. yes, to be loved is nothing, it might feel like so much but it is truly nothing. until u are loved in return. then it becomes everything.
i will love you always, forever and a day. nothing in this world could make me feel this way. you're all my heart sings for. you're all my words can say. thats why i love you forever and a day.
well... this one is realli sweet and all. but if u read it over again, its kinda selfish. i realli dunno actually. but then, it is realli sweet. and i have never felt this way before. well...
i look at you, and i want to tell you. really want to tell you. but i'm afraid it'll ruin everything we have.
i'm so afraid. i would rather feel it so strongly within me but suppress it... then to ever let you know if it will ruin everything.
if i had never loved, i'd never have cried.
i only cry because i love.
love is an irresistable desire to be irresistably desired.
this is everything i've felt the moment i knew how to love. it is, it is!
thoughts of you make me smile.
i have to personally attest to this. i've been smiling so much my cheeks are hurting. one word, and i have sweet dreams all night long. thats how it is.
i know someday you'll have a beautiful life, a star in someone's sky. i just hope it'll be mine.
i really do hope it'll be mine.
just because you don't think i've reason enough to be hurt doesn't make the pain any lesser.
this is so true. the pain remains, whether or not he cares.
love is not what you expect to get. its what you expect to give. which is everything.
you know you love someone when that person makes you cry.
i finally know how i feel. i finally know why i feel. i put my all into each and everytime. because i see future in it. because i want something to come out of it. but i laugh at myself because nothing has come out of anything. but that doesn't stop me from trying, that doesn't give me any less tears each time.
if i were an angel i would make all your wishes come through. but i'm only a girl. a girl who loves you.
yes, i am onli a girl. but there is a great difference between a girl and a girl who loves you.
the problem with passionate love is that it demands you of too much sleep.
how practical. haha. it is true u know.
why is it i keep falling in love with angels? they're as far away as heaven.
this is how true...
Adolescence is the time in life when girls stop believing in fairy tales and start believing in love. but i have realised that love is a fairy tale. and i should never have believed in either.

I wish you enough

2005-06-06T17:21:00.000+08:00

I got this from a friend's blog. or rather an aquaintance. but anyway...

"At an airport, I overheard a father and his daughter in their last moments together. They had announced her plane's departure and standing near the door she said, "Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough too, Daddy."

They kissed good-bye and she left. He walked over towards the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?"

"Yes, I have," I replied. Saying that brought back memories I had of expressing my love and appreciation for all my Dad had done for me. Recognizing that his days were limited, I took the time to tell him face to face how much he meant to me. So I knew what this man was experiencing.
"Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?" I asked.

"I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, her next trip back will be for my funeral," he said.

"When you were saying good-bye I heard you say, 'I wish you enough,may I ask what that means?"

He began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone."

He paused for a moment and looking up as if trying to remember it in detail, he smiled even more. "When we said, 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with enough good things to sustain them." He continued and then, turning toward me, he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory:

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough "Hellos" to get you through the final "Good-bye"

He then began to sob and walked away.

that was realli profound... and touching.

my friends and loved ones, i wish you enough.

the way i feel

2005-06-05T23:56:00.000+08:00

i feel so happy... i don't know why but i do. i can't stop smiling from ear to ear. i feel it in the way... ahhh, im going to have such sweet dreams 2night... haha... can't wait... shall go dry my hair now and dive into bed!!! mmm............

there's something about the way you stay on my mind.

The Way

2005-06-04T14:51:00.000+08:00

The Way - Clay Aiken

There's something 'bout the way you look tonight
There's something 'bout the way that
I can't take my eyes off you
There's something 'bout the way your lips invite
Maybe it's the way that
I get nervous when you're around
And I want you to be mine
And if you need a reason why...

It's in the way that you move me
And the way that you tease me
The way that I want you tonight
It's in the way that you hold me
And the way that you know me
And when I can't find the right words to say
You feel it in the way

Oh, oh
You feel it in the way

There's something 'bout how you stay on my mind
There's something 'bout the way that
I whisper your name when I'm asleep, oh girl
Maybe it's the look you get in your eyes
Oh, baby, it's the way that
It makes me feel to see you smile
And the reasons, they may change
But what I'm feeling stays the same

Oh, oh You feel it in the way

I can't put my fingers on
Just what it is
That makes me love you
You know, baby
So don't ask me to describe
I get all choked up inside
Just thinking 'bout the way

this song, it happened to play when i set my media player to shuffle. and i've finally found out how to describe how i feel. i was talking to ban just now and i wanted to describe to her how i was feeling but i just couldn't find the words. now i know. this is how i feel. bansie, im fine, now i know this is how to describe it.

遺失的美好

2005-06-03T22:37:00.000+08:00

遺失的美好 by Zhang Shao Han

海的思念綿延不絕　
終於和天　
在地平線交會愛如果走得夠遠　
應該也會跟幸福相見

承諾常常很像蝴蝶　
美麗的飛　
盤旋然後不見但我相信你給我的誓言　
就像一定會來的春天

我始終帶著你愛的微笑　
一路上尋找我遺失的美好不小心當淚滑落嘴角　
就用你握過的手抹掉

再多的風景也從不停靠　
只一心尋找我遺失的美好有的人說不清哪裡好　
但就是誰都替代不了

在最開始的那一秒　
有些事早已經注定要到老雖然命運愛開玩笑　
真心會和真心遇到

this song is so nice. its one of the songs of 'love at dolphin bay' or 'hai tun wan lian ren', the 7.30 show on channel u. i dont' follow the show but i happened to see it 2nite and i saw angela chang, or zhang shao han singing on stage dressed up as a little angel like thingy... haha. the costume was a wee bit too fancy. but the song is soooo nice, it magical, its beautiful. and she sang it realli quite well. this song is so nice, and the words are rather meaningful too. the tune is great, its a great song to sing to...

我始終帶著你愛的微笑

how could an angel break my heart?

2005-06-02T23:38:00.000+08:00

How Could An Angel Break My Heart - Toni Braxton

I heard he sang a lullaby
I heard he sang it from his heart
When I found out thought I would die
Because that lullaby was mine
I heard he sealed it with a kiss
He gently kissed her cherry lips
I found that so hard to believe
Because his kiss belonged to me

How could an angel break my heart
Why didn't he catch my falling star
I wish I didn't wish so hard
Maybe I wished our love apart
How could an angel break my heart

I heard her face was white as rain
Soft as a rose that blooms in May
He keeps her picture in a frame
And when he sleeps he calls her name
I wonder if she makes him smile
The way he used to smile at me
I hope she doesn't make him laugh
Because his laugh belongs to me

How could an angel break my heart
Why didn't he catch my falling star
I wish I didn't wish so hard
Maybe I wish our love apart
How could an angel break my heart

Oh my soul is dying, it's crying
I'm trying to understand
Please help me

How could an angel break my heart
Why didn't he catch my falling star
I wish I didn't wish so hard
Maybe I wished our love apart
How could an angel break my heart

ironically, its almost always an angel thing... o well... this is a beautiful song anyway...

its the hols and it feels like it... but it shouldn't! cos i won't get anything done at this rate... i don't owe ms lee any math!!! yay!!! it felt good when she said i dun owe her anything... haha. got to get down to serious work!!! the onli work i've done so far is pw, haha. so lame... o yar, msn's minesweeper flags rox!!! its fun to play man, especially with a worthy opponent... haha. i managed to download the offline version where i can play with the com but its no fun, its better trying to guess wat ur opponent is thinking... haha.

S12 outing!!! soooon... can't wait... need the excitement back in my life, haha... it was great meeting dq yesterday, missed her so much...yes yes dq, i miss u...haha. ur head's so totally swelling now man... haha. but she's right, S12's so dead now without our noisy pple... well, its not S12 now, its S43. and its so dead, without jun, ryan, hong shing and dq!! and man tou... hehe... yeh, and peijuan, hao jie, yongzheng... every1... nvm, we'll have S12 outing soooooon!!!! yay!!!

it doesn't hurt anymore. don't know if its a good thing tho...
that lullaby, that kiss, that laugh and that smile, they belong to me. don't take it away from me. does she make u smile?

A tribute to S12, each and every member of S12

2005-05-25T23:38:00.000+08:00

i miss every1 so much. i know, this kinda posts r getting draggy and irritating. but this is afterall a diary and i have to express my feelings. i happened to be flipping thru old stuff, and i saw gp stuff that we did in the 1st 3 months. when we were called 1S12. when we could legally write our class as 1S12 in our essays. when we were as a class and when we enjoyed each other's company so much. when we never would have dreamt it would be so hard to leave it all behind. to leave each other behind. i happened to flip to one of the GP essays that we were supposed to do. and the date said: 14/2/05. valentines day. the day we all revealed who our mortals were. i suddenly felt this immense sadness in my heart. i wish we could go back to that time. that time when no matter how tiring work was in sch, we wouldn't dream of staying home because we enjoyed each other too much. well, except maybe for des, who loved sleep more than us... haha... kiddingz lar. but realli, during that time, i would never have even thought of ponning sch, i enjoyed each and every moment of sch. because of u, S12.

this is to 1S12 of 2005, first 3 months.
u made sch enjoyable, u made each day great even with naggings and scoldings from teachers and dear ole SWARAN!!! haha... i love u all, even if we're far apart, our hearts will alwayz linked. and each member of the class made the class whole. it would be incomplete without any member. i knoe this might sound dead, draggy and juz plain crappy, but this is how i feel. and i hope at least some of the class shares my sentiments. love u all... peace out...

argh... parents...

2005-05-24T22:35:00.000+08:00

can't stand being 17. with such GREAT parents... and they ask y we want so desperately to hit 21? rhetorical qn... i mean... ____ get the _____ off my back man... ok, shan't use vulgarities, i was realli cursing under my breathe just now. except i'm cleverer than to get grounded or something for being rude to her... *self control...* she was being so freaking irritating. sleep at 11? r u kinda nuts??? thats like... sleeping at 8 or something. and i do haf work k, like i wan to stay up till 2, how many pple r online at that time to chat with? like i got no sch liddat... argh...

on a lighter note, JUNE HOLS!!!! can't wait, i miss S12 so much, can't wait for outing... so many tests, so much work. have to chiong like crazy for summer test man... but i'm catching up, im on track for math and the forces and ideal gases test was realli not too bad. considering i didn't spend more than 10 mins memorising the formulas... haha. but i did practice lar... ok, officially, the onli 2 things i'm behind in are GP and chem... haha. GP cos essay outlines r so tedious and irritating. and we can't type them out. they take up too much space on science pad, too much time and too much arm power. too little brain tho. i'd rather something that uses my brain and not so much of my arm power. haha. ok, chem, don't ask me y i nv do. haha. swaran irritates me lar. but i will catch up with the work so i know whats going on.

talking abt chem, i realli dun like the syllabus now, the chemical bonding. its so... weird. its like, so unrealistic. they don't explain it to us in a way that is realistic. it seems like some weird logic, just to explain certain behaviours of certain molecules or something. ok, i think i'm beginning not to make sense here... haha. but i think it'll get worse when it gets to organic chem, in which i will get owned by ber... ahhhh... muz catch up...

ok, its officially 10:56, which means i have abt 64 mins left to do my work and shut down the com. still gotta pack my bag. goodness, sleeping at 12 isn't too late, she's juz being irritating!!! argh... ok, realli gtg... nitey pple...

사랑해요

why?

2005-05-22T01:02:00.000+08:00

why does everything haf to end sometime or another? why can't anything be eternal? ok, i know God the Father's love is eternal. but is that all? is there realli nothing on this earth that will go on? i miss mg, 4B3, i miss 1S12... fortunately i'm listening to a playlist without the song 'high'. if not, i will realli burst into tears. and this song...

if we hold on together...
i know our dreams will never die...
dreams see us through to forever...
where clouds roll by...
for you and i...

why does it all have to end?

nostalgia... taking over...

missing u...

2005-05-21T01:15:00.000+08:00

I MISS 1S12 SO MUCH! ah... i was looking thru our pictures and i happened to see the picture that we took at the SSS after PE with tommy chen, and all the memories juz came flooding back... i realli miss every1 so much, i could cry if i tried. y, y did u all have to leave? why did we have to split up? i realli wish we were still as a class. it seems like juz yesterday that we were in the LT watching ODC. and i also looked at the pics ryan took of some ODC slides, of fafa, dq, gx and nard. i miss dq! Tu Me Manque Beacoup to every1, each and every 05S12, member! in first 3 months anyway. i realli do miss u all alot. i miss us being as a class, playing rugby style frisbee, gx yelling ' LENNARD!', and throwing the frisbee in some random direction... ahh... we must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must have an S12 outing in the june hols! and this time, every1 must come! every single person muz turn up...listen up pple! we'll hound u till u turn up!!!! yeh, it'll be on the weekends for the poly pple lar... ahhh... can't wait...

Tu Me Manque Beacoup...

dotzz...

2005-05-17T22:33:00.000+08:00

PI-ness... this pw thingy is realli annoying, its getting on every1's nerves... and how do they freaking expect me to squeeze the whole thing into 500 words??? nuts... i'll sound so completely incoherent if i cut anything else out, its the minimum and i have, 600 words? argh... this sux man... well, at least i finished my transformations tutorial, quite productive work done at the library, altho i couldn't bring myself to continue functions, there isn't even math tutorial 2mr... and i'm going to look for ms lee 2mr to do my napfa 5 items, muz pass 2mr! den thurs go play games! yay... at least, something to look forward to... but for now, chiong ah! muz finish PI and study for physics test... forces and ideal gases! argh... *mumbles mumbles...*

work work and more work...

2005-05-16T21:47:00.000+08:00

list of stuff to do:

- complete PI by 2mr and show it to Ms Ng and get her to confirm its fine... to get it off my mind...
- complete math transformations tutorial
- read up on functions and start on the tutorial...
- study for forces and ideal gases test!!!
- read up on redox and try qns, i suck at it...
- do PBL and essay outlines, these are of my least priority man...

ok, it doesn't look like too much but it is... o yar, and i get got back my GP essay today... i got 31/50!!! i thought it was quite low but i realised it was quite cool... i need to work on my language part i think, i got 12/20 for that... my content was 19/30 but i think i already wrote quite alot... and i kinda wrote a redundant paragraph cos i misread the qn, thought it was general but it was apparently meant for onli students... 1S43 pple who did qn 3 on education for the essay would know what i'm talking abt... anyway, ms ng said i had sufficient points with adequate elaboration... that was like the onli thing she wrote on my paper besides correcting my grammar, so i have no idea how to improve... argh... GP is like the onli thing i can score in without much mugging, so i realli have to...

pple in my pw group:
- nicole
- jia yaw
- yen hwee
- kenneth

i was initially rather unhappy, not about the pple in my group, but rather the pple who weren't... i'm like the onli non-newbie in the group lar... but i know i shouldn't segregate the class like that... i can't help it lar, i realli wanted to have at least some1 knew quite well in the group... every1 has at least some1 with them, except for me and kai xuan... tooopid kaixuan had to pick the extra-ded card and got kicked out of the group... but lucky for me actually, i'd rather be in this group den in kx's group... i would realli be lost there... poor kx... hehe... and shimin has both lennard and gx in her group k, how did that happen anyway? tsk tsk, gx and lennard in the same group, unfairness man...
but it was actually quite cool, i kinda felt at home almost immediately lar. nicole and jia yaw were nice... and i didn't realli talk to kenneth and yen hwee... they're actually all ok lar, now i guess i'm ok with this group... and having jia yaw in the group's cool man, we could go to JB for pw!!! and watch movies at half price! haha...

ok, i should realli get to work now, its 10 and i haven't started on this list of stuff... ciaoz..

Fino a che non veniamo a contatto di ancora...

i don't want to give up. till then... te amo...

Everytime...

2005-05-12T22:02:00.000+08:00

Everytime - Britney

Notice me, take my hand
Why are we strangers when
Our love is strong
Why carry on without me

And everytime I try to fly, I fall
Without my wings, I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you, baby

I make believe that you are here
It's the only way I see clear
What have I done
You seem to move on easy

And everytime I try to fly, I fall
Without my wings, I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you, baby

I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song's my sorry

At night I pray
That soon your face will fade away

And everytime I try to fly, I fall
Without my wings, I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you, baby

why am i still holding on? everyday it gets thrown back in my face but i juz can't seem to give up completely... the pain still comes back, not as strongly, but it still does... a throbbing pain... maybe i juz don't want to give it up, even if there doesn't seem to be any hope... i knoe i'm in denial, but i realli don't want to hear it... i don't want to knoe there isn't any hope. my goodness, i'm so deep in the nile it feels like i'll never get out of it... che cosa state pensando? i don't know if i realli want to know the truth. let me have that image in my mind, let me lie to myself. i don't want to knoe the truth. i knoe this is wrong but..................
i'm living in a world of make-believe...

lameness...

2005-05-12T18:14:00.000+08:00

this is so lame. guess what? i ended up doing abt 18 situps and the girl helping me counted up to 20 altho i didn't keep my hands at my ears. but i still failed... y? COS OF TOOOPID BROAD JUMP! argh... uber lame... i ended up doing broad jump for more than half an hour, jump until i couldn't even stand properly. and its still a freaking 151. and now, my thighs are aching like crazy, i cringe at every step i have to climb... i dun even wan to get up when i sit down and vice versa... freaking lame, crapiness... but ms lee was nice, she helped me altho i didn't realli improve. i'm so gonna find her and jump everyday of next week until i pass... CHIONG AH!!! ok, im kinda hyper now so pardon me if i sound incoherent...

2005-05-11T23:40:00.000+08:00

crappy napfa test 2mr, physics SPA, tooooopid cheena test and AP/GP, summation math test 2mr... argh... i can't do sit ups for nuts!!! argh... if i fail, its cos of toooopid sit ups lar. hey, i've actually neva gotten a D for 2.4 run b4, first time man, 1630. i know, this is stupid and so slow, but im happy with myself, so there... haha. hey, i used to have difficulty passing k, 1815 was hard for me last yr k... argh... i dun wan to redo my napfa! i dun wan to run again... i dun wan!!! and no, i dun wan to miss out on the games... argh. this sux... crappiness...

2005-05-08T20:57:00.000+08:00

i miss 1S12... i want the holidays to come soon. now... i wish i had someone beside me... never wanted it so much... deep inside i feel so confused, and my feelings are all in a mess... everything is just coming at one time and ... i don't know... i realli hope i will be able to ____ all my ______. i will become a totally different person when i finally succeed... but from now until then, i'll just have to hide my true personality inside. to want to hold someone, this feeling has never been so strong.

2005-05-04T23:57:00.000+08:00

Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!

Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order,spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins,cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the mirror: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping-Love you!"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast andthe morning newspaper. His son is also at the table. Jack asks,"Son...what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. Youbroke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eyewhen you ran into the door."

"So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose,and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and whenshe tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, lady!I'm married!"

Broken furniture - $855.26
Hot Breakfast - $4.20
Red Rose bud -$3.00
Two Aspirins -$0.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time.........Priceless.

my goodness that was so good. i happened to be blog-hopping and i stumbled onto this on some random person's blog... this is so good, so totally true... haha, and its also uber funny... hehe...

2005-05-04T22:22:00.000+08:00

my fav song now:

Last Flight Out - Plus One

I'm so scared that you will see
All the weakness inside of me
I'm so scared of letting go
That the pain I've hid will show
I know you want to hear me speak
But I'm afraid that if I start to
I'll never stop

[Chorus:]
I want you to know you belong in my life
I love the hope I see in your eyes
For you I would fly, at least I would try
For you I'll take the last flight out
I'm afraid that you will leave
As my secrets have been revealed (oh)
In my dreams you'll always stay (you'll always stay)
Ev'ry breathing moment from now (oh, oh)
I know you want to hear me speak (I know, yeah)
But I'm afraid that if I start to
I'll never stop

[Bridge:]
I cannot hold back the truth no more
I let you wait too long (wait too long)
Although it's hard and scares me so
A life without you scares me more
Scares me more...oh, oh
La, la, la...
The last flight out
For you I would fly, at least I would try (yeah, baby, yeah)
For you I'll take the last flight out
(Oh, I would take the last flight out)

I know, this song is really old, but i haven't heard it in such a long time and i've begun to fall in love with it again... first time i heard it was on the modern love album, about 4 yrs ago? dunno... a realli long time ago...

i finally finished my pbl and my 3 essay outlines. now i have 6 essay outlines, my physics tutorial and my MI tutorial to clear up... MI sux!!! i'd rather do essays or chem or physics or whatever... juz now MI. its brain draining i tell u...

ahh, i miss 1S12 so much... can't wait for the june hols!! hey old S12, muz organise outing, every1 muz come ahh!!!! miss u alll.... ahhh... the bengs in our class are so irritating, talking in hokkien so loudly during lecture... i mean, speaking loudly during lecture is bad enough, but in hokkien? and they sound so proud of it... argh... and one particular beng is soooo gay! the way he walks.. my goodness... okok, i'd better stop talking about this, word goes around too fast... hey bengs of our class, if u happen to read this, i don't have anything particularly against u guys, juz dun talk so loud in lectures lar...

been sleeping realli late the past few days, yesterday night at 2.30 and the night before at 2... at this rate, i'm going to turn into a zombie, if i'm not alreadi one... argh...

talk to me...

2005-05-04T21:29:00.000+08:00

i hate this distance between us. i don't even know how it came about, and why u're doing this. it hurts me alot. i wish i knew why. at least i won't feel so lost. we're almost strangers now, mere aquaintances... and its hurts me. i hope its momentary, because i don't think i will be able to take anymore of this.
is it me, or are u avoiding me? i hope i'm just being oversensitive.
i miss talking to u, miss everything about u. i miss u...

sianz...

2005-05-03T19:28:00.000+08:00

haizz... today's chem test sucked... with some luck i'll pass but thats about the best case scenario... haizz... i've got so much work to do i'm swimming in it. and i still don't get MI. argh. blame myself for getting sick on the day ms lee went through the tutorial... ahh, this sux... can't wait for the june hols, but i've got to go through the horrible gp exam first. actually i don't really mind gp but we haven't had much practice with it... and some of the topics suck. hate those on youth, i nv have much to say on that topic. 2mr's graded essay i'm so not going to do youth. prob will do on education, its a topic i feel for... i'm rambling on and on, beginning to sound like an idiot... hey, dun blame me, i slept at 2 am last night...
ok, up to date, i still have about 10 essay outlines to do, a PBL and a chinese yan jiang to prepare. ok yar, talking about chinese. i'm liking this blog too much to make the whole thing chinese where onli my chinese teacher will read and every1 will shun... i'll prob make another blog if she realli asks for it. but for now, i'll juz continue with this... she's so blur every1 juz sleeps in her class.
too much work, too much.

cross country...

2005-04-30T00:17:00.000+08:00

juz came back from cross country-ing... first time i've come home so late on my own, without my parents picking me up. at 11.30. and cross-country wasn't so bad. i'm so proud of the taurus competitive runners!!! ok, pls, pple who know wat i'm talking about, please, i juz think he's good-looking, i dun like him... so pls, des, fafa and kx, stop being so lame... in the first place i mentioned him so that u pple won't link me with irrelevant and random pple like han yong... so pls ah... i'm really proud of 'him' tho.. haha. ok, as i was saying, i'm so proud of our competitive runners, even the girls altho they didn't do as well as we would've wanted. u gals did ur best and we're proud of u!!! and my goodness, the taurus guys rock!!! we so totally owned in the guys competitive race man... we so rock!!! yay!! next yr, next yr we own!!!!

and my my, how gay can ryan and kx get? my goodness, in a public place... *tsk tsk... ryan looked like he was getting raped... eeeep... this kinda stuff is quite fun, we should do it more often, sit down and juz slack, talk crap... but pls, stop bullying me and pls pls, dun do all those disgusting stuff and talk about all those stuff... argh, its gross... i totally hate watching the show 'guiness book of records'. its awfully disgusting and gross... so pls, dun talk about this kinda stuff k... or at least less of it lar...

i desperately need to do something to my hair... this is awful, there's this furball attached to my head, the thing called my hair, but it honestly looks like a ball of fur or wool or something... argh... my mum will realli juz yell at me if i tell her i want to cut it again.. i'll prob juz save up and go cut it myself... it doesn't look that bad down, its juz awful when its tied up... ahhh... *rambles and rambles on..

ok, i think its about time i stop talking... im sounding incoherent.... *yawn..*i don't feel exactly tired physically, no aching or anything, but my eyes are closing... haha... anyway my dad's threatening to turn of my laptop's power supply if i dun stop soon. he could, my laptop can run on it batt... haha. but i'll stop... nitess...zzzzzzz.........

ahh...

2005-04-27T21:25:00.000+08:00

ahhh... o my goodness, i look like a freakin primary one kid!!! i juz cut my hair and its soooooo totally short... my goodness...
skipped morning run 2day, couldn't be bothered to wake up so early. i'll prob juz do a makeup run someday after sch... o my goodness my hair... sorrie, can't help rambling on... MY HAIR!!! ahh...

i'm so gonna fail the math test, this is awful. how am i gonna do well of my 'A' levels and get into uni? at this rate i'll prob even have difficulty passing the promos...ahh... muz buck up, cannot procrastinate....*psychoing herself*...

argh...

2005-04-26T23:32:00.000+08:00

o my goodness i'm such a procrastinator... i have a math test 2mr on binomial theorem and partial fractions but i can't seem to get any studying done. juz took a nap but i seem to be more tired... argh, this sux... i think i'll juz go to sleep and study during physics lecture. i'm so disappointed in myself, i never used to suck this much at chem... my goodness, i can't believe how badly i failed the chem test. this sux... and the sch hours aren't helping. i got home 2day at almost 8.30 and after dinner and my bath, it was almost 10. argh...

A tribute to my Great Father in Heaven, the Lord God Almighty.

2005-04-24T21:54:00.000+08:00

~Dear Father, I pray that you'll continue to guide me and teach me. I know and trust that You've prepared someone out there for me. And Lord, I know now that I've not been the obedient child that I might have once been to You. I know that there are many lessons to be learnt and that as much as You love me with Your unconditional love, You love the person You've prepared just as much. I know that I must learn how to walk with You and follow You before I can be entrusted with the someone out there that You've prepared for me.~

i found this prayer on my dear friend's blog... and i feel the same way.
as i read this prayer again, i'm suddenly reminded of how close i was once to my dear Father in Heaven. sorry Father, i've seen my mistakes... i will come back to you and walk with you. Father Lord, i trust that you have someone out there for me. i will trust in you because i know you have the best for me.

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,who have been called according to his purpose.

Thank you Father...

Romans 8:37-39
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For i am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels or demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

No one in all the earth can ever make this promise to anyone, that ' neither death nor life, neither angels or demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us.' But the Lord God Almighty can, because he is in control of everything, even our feelings.

Psalms 139
O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord.
You hem me in – behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
Even there your hand will guide me, your right hand me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
Even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.
If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name. Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord, and abhor those who rise up against you?
I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

i love this chapter of the Bible, i think its my favourite. it reminds me of how great Father Lord is, of how close he is to me, to us as his children. He's the King, Lord God Almighty and yet he loves us to much, it makes me feel so honoured, and ashamed of who i am, and the way i behave.
Father Lord, i love you and this entry is dedicated to you and your great love.

Through It All - HILLSONGS

You are forever in my life
You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness
And I look to You
And I wait on You

*I'll sing to You Lord
A hymn of Love
For Your faithfulness to me
I'm carried in everlasting arms
You'll never let me go
Through it all

Everlasting, Father I love You
Ever living, Savior I love You (2x)
[Chorus*]

this is currently my favourite song, its beautiful.

I love him...

bz bz bz...

2005-04-24T21:35:00.000+08:00

Light travels faster than sound, thats why people seem bright until you hear them...

Got this quote from a friend's msn nick... kinda cool i think... so much work to do, and having lesser and lesser time to juz sit and slack away... haizz...
i think i realli have to start getting back to work, i've been slacking too much, once my fingers touch the keyboard they don't want to leave, and my work juz lies in front of me untouched...

every1 who's bored, go try this game:
http://www.big-boys.com/articles/defend.html

warning tho, its addictive... so if u have work to do, pls go do it first, dun play ah... haha.

well, b4 i officially have to start blogging in chinese, i'll blog more in english first... i actually realli want to learn korean, but its hard to find resources, good resources. i got some off the net but other than that... the books are really ex lar... i was at kino at bugis but the stuff there are quite limited. they have loads of japanese stuff tho... i'll prob go to kino at taka someday when i'm like... loaded. o well... till then... i'll juz use my online resources.

2005-04-22T00:23:00.000+08:00

사람해묘.

2005-04-21T22:48:00.000+08:00

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2005-04-21T21:10:00.000+08:00

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I love this song, its beautiful...

first blog... first time blogging...

2005-04-21T20:35:00.000+08:00

heyhey pple!!! i got this blog cos i have to for chinese... so in the meantime, b4 my chinese teacher comes visit here, i shall blog in english... yay!!!
2day's been great, cos' i've slacked at home the whole day, got mc. had a fever yesterday, and a horrid throat. but the lozenges the doc gave me are great, my throat feels so much better after just one, and it tastes great too! haha...

some1 irritated me 2day, i was feeling so awful and that person just msged me so much crap... argh... i mean, i'm sick for goodness sake, wat the crap... just shuttup if u have nothing better to say...

i like my new sch u, first time i dun have to wear a pinafore inside. its so much cooler... but the pleats at the back of the skirt are kinda weird... other than that, i think it ain't too bad... except the tailors apparently thought girls have no hips, onli waists... i mean, haven't they heard of 'hour glass figure' before? u knoe, widdening of the hips are part of the process of puberty... the skirt has no curves whatsoever, so u have to get one or 2 sizes larger than ur waist to accomodate your hips... ok, enuff of that...

there's so much work to do, i realli have to stop slacking, its so tempting tho... just sit there and stone, can't be bothered to take stuff out to do... haizz...
on a lighter note, i love the song 'invisible' by clay aiken, i can totally relate to it...

molto attraente interrutore del cuore, che cosa state pensando?